dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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