1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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