My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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