Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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