So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
