What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
