Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
