I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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