Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
