even my farts smell like vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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