just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
