YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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