My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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