I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
