is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
