that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
