I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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