saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
