apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
