Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you had me at cake vodka
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
