If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
