Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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