What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
