highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
