why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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