Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
