She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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