can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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