Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize