At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
