I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
