If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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