My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
