Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
