I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
