Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
