k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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