that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize