If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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