The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
