I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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