Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
