everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
