Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
