i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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