i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
