i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
