the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
