I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
