it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize