why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm like, not good at living.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
