nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
