Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
