He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
