either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
