So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
