I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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