I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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