I am puke
I can text with my tongue
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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