Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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