I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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