Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
