im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
