I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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