There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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