I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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