I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
