somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize