2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
