Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
