Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
